Seniors experiencing a loss of autonomy
Caregivers: Adapting your role when your family member or friend moves into a residence
Has your family member or friend experiencing a loss of autonomy recently moved into a residence? It’s normal to have questions and for this transition to be emotional for you and for the person moving. Here is some advice to help you better understand and manage this new stage.
Accept your emotions about the change
Deciding to have your friend or family member move into a residence can be difficult. As a caregiver, it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, and they can vary depending on the relationship you have with the person and the circumstances of the move. Here are a few things you might be feeling.
Worry. You might feel worried about the safety and well-being of your family member or friend now that they no longer live with you or near you. You might wonder whether the care staff is taking good care of them and whether the person is adapting to the new environment.
Guilt. After spending some time with the person, you might feel guilty because they’re moving to a residence. You might wonder whether you could have avoided the move or if you made the right decision.
Sadness. Having to separate from a person close to you that you have lived with for part of your life or that you interact with every day can leave a void in your daily life. This is an important life change, and it’s entirely normal to feel some pain.
Relief. You might feel a certain relief after your family member or friend moves. Perhaps you were spending a lot of time taking care of them, supporting them, and tending to them. Knowing that they will receive the care and support they need in an adapted environment can be reassuring and lift a weight from your shoulders.
Stress. A senior’s move to a residence can be a stressful time for you because it involves many steps and difficult choices. You might feel overwhelmed by preparations for the move, the paperwork, and the adjustments required, and then by the void left once the person is gone. You might also feel anxious about the distance between you now, the tasks you have to accomplish, and the balance you have to strike between your work, your family, and your role as caregiver.
Sense of loss. You might feel that you’ve lost your role as primary caregiver or that things will never be totally the same. You might also start feeling as though you have failed to take care of your family member or friend.
Every caregiver will feel different emotions in this situation. It’s important to recognize them, to accept them, and to give yourself some space to express them. Ask for help from a healthcare professional or your support network if you need it to get through this transition period.
A new caregiver role
The move of your family member or friend to a residence means that your responsibilities will change significantly. Here are a few tasks that you might have to take on now:
Emotional support and practical help
As a caregiver, you can continue to provide emotional support to your family member or friend by visiting them at the residence, talking to them on the phone, or sending them messages. You can also share news about the family and the neighbourhood to help them feel connected to their family environment.
You can do different activities with them when you visit: listen to music, read the newspaper aloud, play cards, do a jigsaw puzzle, take a walk, and so on. You’ll be a source of comfort and make them feel less alone. You can also help them with their daily tasks such as getting dressed, preparing meals, running errands, and so on. If you want, talk to the residence staff to see if you can take part in care activities, such as washing their hair or helping them bathe and groom.
You can also attend activities at the residence with them. You might be able to help them create connections with other residents. Follow their pace, and have realistic expectations. You might also have to take a step back to allow them to socialize on their own. It’s up to you to see whether your presence encourages them to connect with others, or whether they tend to cling to you instead.
Finally, if you want to, you can get involved in the community by taking part in recreational activities and volunteering for outings or visits.
Management of care and finances
Your role as caregiver may also involve organizing medical appointments, accompanying your family member or friend to the doctor’s office, and in some cases, making sure that the person takes their medication properly.
Your role might also involve communicating with medical staff and dealing with administrative tasks such as managing finances, insurance, legal documents, etc.
As caregiver, you may also have to monitor the quality of the care the person receives, ask questions about their health, and act as their representative if they are experiencing a loss of autonomy.
Defending their interests
If a situation raises concern, your role will be to defend the person’s interests and ensure that they obtain the best possible care, that they are treated with respect, and that their dignity is preserved. In such a case, be sure to ask questions about the medical treatment being provided and make your voice heard at the residence.
If you think the person is being mistreated – for example, their health appears to be deteriorating, their choices seem to be restricted, or the care they’re being given is inappropriate – call the Mistreatment Helpline for support.
Find a balance between your own life and your role as caregiver
Once the person has settled in, you’ll have to adapt to a new schedule and the routines established by the residence. You’ll also have to plan your visits to the residence to spend time with your family member or friend.
Balancing your family life with your role as caregiver for a senior in a residence might be a challenge, but there are ways to do it. Here are a few:
Plan and organize your time
Plan your visits to the residence in advance, taking into account your family and work commitments to avoid scheduling conflicts.
Ask for help
Don’t be shy to ask other family members or friends to share some of the responsibilities. They can help support you – for example, take care of some daily tasks or errands, or accompany the person to some of their activities. This can allow you to take some time for yourself or your family.
Take care of yourself
Taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being is just as important as the time you give to the senior experiencing a loss of autonomy or to the other members of your family. Make sure that you regularly take time to rest, relax, and do activities you enjoy. Plan these times out in your schedule.
Communicate with your family
Tell your family members about decisions made regarding care for the senior experiencing a loss of autonomy, and invite them to help make those decisions if they want to. Don’t forget that caring and honest communication can help reduce stress and promote better mutual understanding.
Be kind to yourself
It’s normal to feel stress or exhaustion as you juggle these two demanding roles. Be kind to yourself when you come up against a difficult situation, are short of time, or feel overwhelmed by your tasks. Remember that you’re doing your best.
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The information presented on this page is not a legal opinion or legal advice. This page explains in a general way the law that applies in Quebec. To obtain a legal opinion or legal advice on your personal situation, consult a legal professional.