Suggesting family mediation to your ex: 5 tips on how to approach the topic

2) State the topics you’d like to discuss

In your invitation, you can specify the topics you’d like to discuss in mediation to give your ex a clear understanding of what to expect.

When preparing the list of topics, try to be specific and comprehensive, without going into all of the details of your position on each one. For example, you could say that you want to use family mediation to make a decision about dividing property you own together and the choice of your child’s school.

It may also be useful to let your ex know that the purpose of the family mediation will be to find solutions for the future, not to discuss the reasons for your separation.

Of course, if you’ve forgotten a topic or if a new point of disagreement comes up later, you can still ask to bring it up in family mediation. Stating the topics in advance simply allows your ex to better prepare for the process.

3) Suggest names of family mediators

Your invitation should also include practical information such as:

• Who the mediator could be,
• Which of you will contact the mediator,
• When the mediation can take place.

This information will make your invitation more concrete and allow you to start the process more quickly if your ex accepts the invitation.

To this end, you can do some research beforehand and gather information for several professionals. Try to find family mediators whose offices are easily accessible to you and your ex. You can include this information in your invitation, while letting your ex know that you welcome his or her suggestions.

You can also contact a family mediator right away to make sure that he or she is available for a family mediation mandate. If you do this, you can specify in your invitation to your ex that a family mediator is already available to take charge of your file and is awaiting your ex’s call.

4) Share information about mediation

Family mediation is a conflict resolution method that is still not well known. You can therefore include neutral information resources with your invitation that will help your ex to learn more about it on his or her own.

5) Set a deadline for a reply

If you’re concerned that your ex may not reply to your request, you can suggest a timeframe for a response in your invitation.

Your ex is not obligated to meet this deadline, but it can be a reassuring reference point for both of you. On the one hand, your ex will know that there’s some time to think about it. On the other hand, if you haven’t received a reply by the deadline, you’ll know that this is a good time to follow up with your ex or consider other options.

The deadline should be long enough to allow your ex to really think about your proposal, but it should also take into account the urgency of the decisions that need to be made. Therefore, although a period of 7 to 10 days is often suggested, it’s up to you to determine what seems reasonable in your situation.